TO BE WITH HER
by WIWJ
Summary: After Death Toll.. Woody Jordan Lu... ansty horror. Some spoilerish stuff.. my take on the rumors won't ruin the surprise unless you live in a cave.. but you've been warned. It's Done!
1. need

A/N

I know I have other stories I should be writing but I can't seem to get this out of my head so.. here. I know it won't be like this.. but oh if they were mine! Which by the way.. they're not.

This is following death toll which we know a little about. Enough for me to know it's going to physically hurt me. So..I'm already mad at Woody.. this is my expression of that anger. I only do this because I love him. It's super super agsty and it hurt me to write it. I'd love to say it will end nice.. but I'm not so sure... I'm still traumatized.

* * *

**To be with her.. **

(Five minutes before he got there)

Woody drove back to the morgue. His heart beating a little faster as each mile slipped past him. What in the hell was wrong with him? Why in the hell was he doing this, to him, to her, to _them?_ He looked at the seat next to him. Tallulah's eyes were still red and puffy, tears slipping out of them, even in her sleep. How was he ever going to explain this?

* * *

( Ten minutes before he got there) 

Jordan sat in her office with the lights off, her mind trying to grasp how this had happened. When had she lost him again? How was this not what he wanted? How had he whispered the things he'd whispered and not meant them? How could she have been so wrong about him for so long? Why did it always turn out that her irrational paranoia was right?

* * *

(Two hours before he got there) 

Jordan flew out of her chair when the door opened, stopping short when it was Lily.

"He's still not back yet?" Lily whispered, Jordan shook her head. Settling down on her couch. "Look Jordan, I know you'd rather talk this out with Woody, but I'm here. Stiles is here."

"Howard's back?" Jordan looked towards the hall.

"He came back from the bomb site about an hour ago." Jordan nodded, an hour ago Woody had told her he was on his way. "You want me to tell him to come see you?" She nodded again.

Lily walked back down the hall and Jordan drew her hand across her bloody scrubs. She felt herself shake when she remembered who's blood. Children's blood. She bit her lip and slammed her eyes shut, wanting Woody. Where the hell was he?

"Jordan?"

"Howard."

"Lily told me you're tired of waiting for Detective Hoyt?" She looked at the floor. "I thought maybe I'd do." He said in a fake suggestive tone. She changed her mind. She didn't have time for Howard's strange bedside manor.

"It's okay. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure he was okay before I went home." She lied.

"Well he seemed okay at the site. That other detective was really shaken up though. Tamyra?"

"Tallulah." Jordan corrected trying to keep the bile in her stomach from rising to her throat. "He was with her?"

"Yeah, she was pretty shaken up. He was trying to comfort her." Howard stopped when he saw Jordan's face. "I'm sorry Jordan. I wasn't thinking." She shook her head trying in vain to act as if she didn't want to slip down to the floor and sob. "She was very upset. I'm sure he was just trying to-."

"Thanks Howard. I'm sure Lily needs you in there with the families." She said firmly standing up and walking to the window. The man mumbled goodbye and slipped out the door. Jordan swallowed hard. He wasn't coming. He wasn't coming because he was with Lu Simmons. He'd chosen to comfort her instead.

* * *

(Three hours before he got there) 

"Hey. How you doing?" He whispered into his phone as he answered it.

"Are you almost done?" She was crying again. He closed his eyes, trying to send her his strength. "Tell me you're almost done."

"I'm close Jordan." He told her softly. She cried harder before quickly calming herself. She needed to fall apart and he knew she wanted him there when she did.

He pictured what her day had been like, dead children and grieving parents. He knew that her hair was starting to fall from the ponytail she'd put it in. He knew her lip was chapped on the right side from her chewing at it all day, and he also knew she had _that_ look in her eyes.

The one he'd seen for the first time while standing in her apartment four years ago before she ran into the night after the one killer she couldn't catch. The one that made him want to hold her so tightly it hurt. "I'm close."

"I need you." She breathed in an airy whisper that made his hair stand on end.

"I'm coming." He promised again.

"Get here soon." She told him softly as she hung up the phone. He turned back around to tell Lu he was leaving.

That's when he saw her.

The tiny blonde was kneeling beside a squad car fingering a pink scrunchie in her had like it was more precious than anything she had ever seen. He watched her shoulders shake violently before she broke into sobs.

* * *

(Four hours before he got there) 

"Dr. Cavanaugh!"

"Dr. Cavanaugh!"

She tried not to make eye contact with either the reporters or the parents.

"Please Dr. Cavanaugh, I need to know if she's in there!"

"Does the ME's office have an official number yet? How many of the dead are children?"

"I need to know if she's in there! Look at me, you heartless bitch!" Jordan flinched at the man's words as the uniformed cop at the door came between her and the angry parent. "I need to see my daughter! I need to see my-."

The sound stopped as she slipped back into the safety of the morgue, caring the box of evidence the cop had given her. She'd thought maybe it would be him. That's why she'd risked going out there. She needed to see him.

"If I have to tell one more family we've identified their child I'm going to-." Lily's words were cut off by Bug's embrace. He shushed her, rocking her slowly in his arms.

She wanted Woody. When he had called an hour ago she'd cried. She never cried. Never to Woody, never to anyone. She'd cried when he was shot and she'd cried today. Only this time he had promised to be there as soon as he could.

* * *

(When he got there) 

Lily gave him a dirty look when he made his way through the crowd and into the morgue. That wasn't a good sign. Lily had always been the understanding one. When everyone else had walked on eggshells around him after the shooting, waiting to see what Jordan wanted them to do, Lily had run up to him and hugged him. Now she looked at him with shaming eyes and tight lips.

"She was waiting for you." Lily told him angrily. "You have no idea what she's been through today." She shook her head. "No idea how-." Lily's voice broke. She'd been through a lot today too. "She wouldn't talk to anyone. She was waiting for you."

His chest burned as he tried to slow down his breathing. He started to say something but she just shook her head again and walked away. He turned to Jordan's door. Her office was dark, except for the lamp over her desk. He could see her shadow cast across the floor. She was still waiting. He opened the door slowly.

"Jordan?"

"Where were you?" Her voice made him cold.

"At the site." He said honestly.

"Everyone's been back for hours. Where were you?" She said quickly, her head never turned. He could see the dampness of her face. Her hair was a tangled mess around her shoulders. She'd been raking her fingers through it, the way she did when she was really loosing it.

He wondered for a second if he should lie, tell her he was with the chief, or following a lead.

"Tell me. I want to hear you say it." He closed his eyes, she already knew. "I want you to say the words."

"Jordan." He didn't know what to do.

"Tell me." He could see her lips shake in the dim light. How could he have been so stupid?

"It's not-." Think Hoyt.

"TELL ME!" Her voice shrilled out across her office in a tone he'd never heard before. He made a move towards her but she put her arms out.

"I was with Lu." He said softly, feeling tears start to settle in his eyes. "She was ups-."

"She was upset? **She **was upset?" Her eyes shot to his. He noticed then how blotchy her face was, how swollen her eyes were. "Did she cut up the burnt bodies of children all day? Did she have the media busting down her door to get a glimpse of them?" She took a sharp breath that he knew had to hurt. "Did she have men shouting at her that she was a heartless bitch?"

He moved towards her again. If he could just get to her…

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She screamed tears falling off her tired face. "You said you'd never hurt me. You said you'd never leave me!"

"Jordan I'm here now."

"Shut up!" He'd never seen her like this and it scared him. "I tell you that I love you.. you tell me to get out. I **show** you that I love you.. and you won't even talk about it. I invite you in- to my apartment.. to my bed! And you tell me you don't want to be my rebound. I call you and tell you I wanted you here.." She choked out a sob before gasping for air. "I tell you I.. I.." Her lips trembled. "I needed you.. and you go to **her**? You comfort **her**? Who the hell is **she**? When did she become more important than me?" He went to her this time, pulling her into his arms as she fought him.

"Shh.. She's.. Jordan no one is more important to me than you." He felt her steady her breath against his shirt, gripping the fabric tightly in her clenched fist. "No one." For a moment he thought insanely that it was going to be okay. Until she pushed back against his chest kicking his shin to free herself like a frightened child.

"No. No." She crumbled against her desk slipping to the floor. "Just go! Just go! Go be with her!"

"I'm not leaving you." He said softlydropping in front of her on the floor. "I'm not going anywhere. Jordan I'm.. we need to…"

"Get out! Get out!" She screamed. "You lied to me! You don't love me! You never did! You just want what you can't have! Get the hell out!"

It was then that Lily came running in. It was then that Lily yelled for Stiles. Then it was Stiles that told him he needed to leave.


	2. fault

A/N

Thanks for the quick reviews. This is not going to get any better for awhile. I think it will be okay.. but I'm not sure. Not yet... more angst. Please Review.

* * *

(Five minutes before it happened) 

He pushed the peddle to the floor of his car.

_I did this. I did this._

"Woody slow down!"

"Is she breathing?" He looked back quickly,

"I can't.. I don't know." Santana yelled from the back seat. "I can't tell. I don't think so." He swerved to the shoulder, hearing the young detective shout as her body slammed into the side of the car door. He turned around, pulling her body around to him.

"Oh God Please." He yelled jumping out the car and throwing the door open. He pulled her out of the car. "Breathe, breathe! You've got to breathe." _I did this. I did this. _

_

* * *

_

(Ten minutes before it happened)

She felt his hands on her shoulders shaking her gently. She could hear the fear in his voice. She couldn't open her eyes, no matter how he begged her to.

"Sweetheart, what did you do? Tell me what you did!" His fingers tangled in her hair. She opened her mouth to tell him, but the words slurred across her tongue. He glanced around the room. "Call an ambulance! Someone call an…" She felt him lift her off the floor, her head bobbing to his chest.

"Christina! Help me!"

_Christina? He never calls her.. no one ever calls her.._

"What the hell happened?" Santana sounded startled, she knew it was because he'd used her first name.

"Get in the car. I'm not waiting, she's-. Get in the back seat!" She felt his lips on her head. "Just breathe for me." He whispered laying her in the back seat of the car with Christina Santana. She tried to breath for him.

* * *

(A half an hour before it happened)

"Hello? Hello? Are you there?" Santana rolled her eyes at Woody shouting into his phone before she wandered around the cleared crime scene. They were there for inspiration, her case was dead, she'd asked him for help as a last resort.

She didn't like working with him. He was always too distracted to teach her what she wanted him to. He didn't need her, Seely, Annie or Roz. He had the ME's office, he trusted them more than her, more than any one.

Well maybe not more than Simmons. His little tryst with her hadn't gone unnoticed at the department. She was sure that's who he was talking to now. Santana thought he would have married Jordan by now. Lu wasn't anything like Jordan. Santana liked Jordan, she was alright. Lu Simmons was a snotty bitch.

"Answer me, where are you?" The tone in his voice brought her eyes back to him. "Stay there! You hear me? Stay there!" He walked towards her taking her arm roughly and moving her back to the car. "We have to go."

"What? You said you'd help me?"

"Unless you want to be left out here.. get in the damn car!"

* * *

(Seven hours before it happened.) 

She saw Jordan watch her walk into the morgue.She looked surprised when Lu stopped in front of her office door.

"Jordan."

"Detective Simmons." Jordan was trying not to be cold. "Come in."

"I wanted to come and talk to you, about what happened the other day." Jordan was clearly trying not to look freaked out. Lu wondered if shecould tell by how Simmon's looked away that she had failed.

"There's nothing to-." Jordan started.

"I think there is. I want to explain. Woody never meant for this to-." Jordan shook her head.

"Stop. Please." She shook her head quickly. "Please, just make him happy." Lu saw the tears come to her eyes, as she made a futile attempt to fight them back down before they spilled down her cheeks. "I just want him to be happy. He deserves to be-." The blonde's eyes pinch together sympathetically. "I tried to make him happy, but I can't. It's been so long since he's actually been-." Her voice broke and she walked towards the door. "Excuse me." Pushing past Lu she left her standing with her mouth wide open. Jordan walked quickly down the hall to Lily's office. Jordan never saw Woody standing behind her door. Jordan never knew he'd heard the whole thing.

Lu started out of the office after her.

"What are you doing?" He snapped grabbing her arm. "I told you to leave it alone."

"Woody." Her eyes were teary now too. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to-."

"Don't flatter yourself, this isn't just about you and yesterday." He shook his head. "Leave her alone, Lu." His voice was rough and unsympathetic despite the tears coming down her face. "Stay away from her."

* * *

(The day before it happened) 

"Lu?" She turned back towards him and Woody's heart broke for her. She wiped her eyes, setting the frame back in the drawer.

"Is that her?" He said softly moving towards her. "Is that them?" She picked up the frame again and turned towards him nodding silently. "Can I see?" She turned the photo around and Woody smiled. "She's beautiful."

Tallulah nodded.

"She's six here. It's right before the accident." Woody laid his hand on her shoulder. "How are things with Jordan." Woody looked away. "She's still mad? Are you sure you don't want me to-?"

"Don't.. you shouldn't be worried about me." He smiled at her. "You should be taking care of yourself."

"I'm fine, Woody." She hugged the frame to her chest. "I've been dealing with this for three years now and I've dealt with it. The bombing just dug it all back up."

"Tallulah, you were the one who told me you can't run from your problems." He studied her. He was worried. In the six months he'd known her, Woody had never seen her look lonely or upset. He would have never guessed that she had lost her husband and child. "You were the one who said that behind my smile was heart ache. I guess you knew from experience huh?"

"Woody thank you, really, for being there for me." Her voice was harsh and it startled him. "But you don't know anything about this. I'm not like Jordan. I'm not running from anything. Not everyone spends the rest of they're lives in over dramatic anguish when they loose someone."

Woody put his hand up to stop her. The protective shock that ran up his spine made him grimace. He instantly regretting anything he'd told Lu Simmon's about Jordan Cavanaugh. He pressed his lips tighter remembering she was grieving the loss of her husband, of her child. He remembered how small and broken she'd been yesterday.

"Then why do you keep her in the drawer?" He asked hotly, nodding at the frame and trying to keep himself from defending Jordan.

She tightened her grip, tears coming to her eyes. Woody looked down.

"I'm sorry about your girlfriend." He nodded clenching his jaw. "Tell her it was my fault. You can tell her everything, really. It not like I don't already know too much about her."

_So much for doctor patient confidentiality_. He thought nodding his head and angrily leaving her office.

* * *

(When it happened) 

Santana was on the radio with the paramedics, he could hear her giving them their location. Woody had laid her on the grassy lawn he'd pulled over in front of. He unbuttoned the top of her blouse and pushed back her hair.

_This is all my fault_. He thought about the things he had and had not said.

"Breathe. Come on." He put his cheek to her mouth and waited. Nothing. He started rescue breathing tasting the alcohol on her lips. "What did you do?" He whispered feeling for her pulse and crying in relief when he found it. He breathed for her again hearing the ambulance coming around the corner. "I'm so sorry, Baby." The paramedic's jumped on her. "She has a pulse but she's not breathing." He pulled back a little to let them in but kept her hand firmly in his. "She's been drinking."

"No shit." One of the paramedics said sharply. Woody hadn't noticed she was practically drowning in it.

"Sir? Is she allergic to anything?" He shook his head.

"Not that I know of." He watched them start to bag her. "Come on Baby breathe."

"I'm calling the morgue." Santana called to him, he never looked up. He never looked away from her pale face.

"The morgue? She's not dead, Detective." On of the paramedics shot towards her.

"Don't you know who she is?" Santana yelled at them.

"Who is she?"

"Jordan Cavanaugh." Woody whispered touching her face. "Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh."

"The Assistant Medical Examiner?"

Woody nodded before he whispered to them. "Please, help her."


	3. knowing

A/N a less angsty chapter.. but i'm sure the angst is still going to return.. I hope this is a nice respit though!

* * *

(Five minutes before he knew)

"Please Sweetheart?" He ran his hand across her cheek, pushing her hair away from her pale face. "Jordan?"

Stiles said nothing for a moment, he just watched.

"Woody, are you sure?"

"Yes." He said stiffly.

"In light of current events I think it would be-."

"It doesn't matter what you think." Woody whispered sharply. "Last time I checked you weren't listed as her next of kin. I was."

"Detective, I can imagine the guilt you must be-."

"I bet you can." He turned towards the little man. "You should have seen this coming. You're the shrink, you were actually with her." He said stiffly. "I wasn't. You kicked me out remember?" Stiles swallowed, not sure what to say next. "She called me Stiles, not you and not the morgue. She needed me, and this time I'm here." He turned back around, Stiles watched him readjust his hold on her hand. "I'm here, Jordan."

* * *

(Ten minutes before he knew)

"_Woody? Woody I didn't mean to."_

He tried to shake the memory of her voice on the phone out of his head. He squinted his eyes tightly, running his thumbs across her hand.

"_What did you do Jordan?"_

"_Woody.." Her words slurred. She was drunk? At three in the afternoon? "I don't feel-."_

"_Where are you?"_

"_I'm.. I need you."_

"_I'll be there. Just answer me, where are you?"_

"_Park. The bench. Our.." He was a good ten minutes away._

"_Stay there! You hear me? Stay there!"_

The nurse walked towards her with a towel. He put up his hand taking it from her and wiping the left over charcoal powder off of her lips. Jordan's head turned slightly towards him. The nurse smiled at him, before pulling up on her eye lid gently studying her pupil. Woody grimaced, squeezing her hand in his.

"Is she still okay?" He asked helplessly.

The girl nodded at Woody.

"The doctor will have her tox-screen results in a few minutes. We'll know more then." She told him as she slipped half way out the door. "You saved her life, Detective."

_I saved my own_. He told himself. _She is my life. What the hell else do I have with out her? My job? Santana and Seely? Lu Simmons? A bunch of people that know nothing about me, no matter how much they think they do. No, she's all I have_.

He heard Stiles come in, he said nothing. He just set his jaw and focused his eyes on Jordan's face.

* * *

(A half an hour before he knew)

The nurse watched him run his hands over his face before glancing back at her patient. Pretty girl, gorgeous boyfriend, she wondered why people do the things they do.

"Jordan?" He said again brushing her hair from his face. "Why isn't she waking up?"

"We're still waiting for her test results, Detective. We're not sure if she mixed anything with the alcohol or not." The man closed his eyes tightly. "You said she'd had a previous attempt." He shook his head.

"It was an accident." He snapped. The young woman felt sorry for him.

"Her psychiatrist says they're is a family history of-."

"He's not her psychiatrist. He's the state's psychiatrist." The looked up at the man shaking his head, it was obvious he was about to freak out. "I don't want him anywhere near her."

"You'll have to tell him that yourself, Detective Hoyt. Then I'll have to order a psych consult from upstairs." The man told him. "Accident or not, you're girlfriend was engaging in some risky behaviors. I understand she was apart of the bombing tragedy. It's not uncommon for people to experience traumatic stress episodes or even breakdowns following-."

"Thank you doctor." He interrupted, grimacing. The emergency room doctor nodded before leaving the room.

The nurse started cleaning her up, wiping bits of charcoal off of her face and pulling the absorbent cloth pads from around her shoulders and neck. He stopped her with a gentle hand.

"I can.. please." She handed him the cloth and watched him tend to her. Why? With a man like that would you do what this woman had done?

* * *

(An hour before he knew)

They busted through the doors of the emergency room with an urgency that sent Woody back in time. His hand tingled and he tightened his grip on her.

"Thirty three year old female, found semiconscious on a park bench in an altered mental state, suspected alcohol ingestion, history of drug overdose, became unresponsive at the scene and went into respiratory distress. We got her breathing again in the bus, but it's still pretty erratic. Pulse is weak but steady, BP's holding. She's been in and out"

"How long?" The doctor asked. Woody was trying to think when he heard Santana answer.

"We got to her about twenty five minutes ago."

"And you are?"

"Detective Christina Santana BPD." She hissed at him in frustration.

"Woody?" Her eyes were closed and her voice was soft and slurred, but she was still there.

"I'm here." He told her kissing the back of her hand.

"Sir we'll take her from here."

"I'm not leaving her." He said firmly.

"Are you a family member?"

"He's her boyfriend." Santana shouted before he could think. "Detective Woody Hoyt."

"I.. I have power of attorney." He whispered breathlessly hoping to God he still did._ She wouldn't have changed it? Would she have changed it?_ He hadn't changed his.

"Okay Detective, try to stay out of the way."

* * *

(When he knew)

"You're sure that's all? Thank God." She knew that voice. _He's here_. "Tell the woman with me to call the morgue now." _The woman with him? He wouldn't.. wait.. Santana._ "Thank God."

"I understand your relief but it's still a very serious thing, Detective. Her blood alcohol was .34 for someone her size it could have been deadly." _My what was what?_

"Humm.." She felt the grip on her hand tighten as her eyes started to focus.

"Hey.. Jordan can you hear me?" _He's here_.

"My.. my throat hurts." She rasped looking at the ceiling.

"I bet." He chuckled in the way he did when he was frustrated with her. "They crammed a tube and about a pound of charcoal down it."

"What did I-?"

"You scared the hell out of me, Jordan. That's what you did." Her eyes narrowed but he kissed her anyway. "You're going to be okay, Sweetheart."

She studied him for a moment, afraid to take her hand out of his. Afraid to let go of him.

"Is this when I'm supposed to start the pity speech?" She had expected to sound harsh, but it had only sounded weak. She felt the tears on her face and he quickly wiped them away.

"Start what ever you want. I'm not moving from this spot." His hand was warm and comforting on her forehead. "I've already sent Stiles away and Lily's not here yet, so there's no one to save you from me."

"Oh God what did I do?" She whimpered feeling a wave of nausea rush over her. He quickly put a cool washcloth to her face reaching for a basin. She shook her head and he put it down, running his hands back through her hair. She closed her eyes and focused on his touch.

"You drank way way way too much." He shook his head. "How long had it been since you had eaten?"

"I don't know." She told him honestly.

"We'll the only thing that came out of you was hard liquor." He grimaced. "I know that from personal observation." She smiled weakly at him.

"You stayed? You still get queasy in autopsy." She felt her heavy eyes fight to open.

"I told you. I'm not moving from this spot." He wiped away her fresh tears. She struggled to keep her eyes open. "It's okay you need to rest." He brushed his thumb over her eyes keeping her from opening them.

"You're staying?"

"I swear to you Jordan. It would take a court order." She felt his lips softly brush hers. "And when you're feeling better, we are going to have a long talk about the millions of ways you make me happy."


	4. truth

A/N this chapter is weak, but it dealt with a lot of stuff that needed to be explained. Hopefully it doesn't suck to bad and you all keep reading. Thanks.. more soon... Lori

* * *

(Five minutes before she learned the truth) 

"I asked you to leave it alone, Tallulah." Woody said harshly glancing from her to Jordan. Lu knew he was trying to figure out what had already been said.

"She needs to know Woody." She told him he swallowed hard shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"No, not now." He begged.

"Then when?"

"She almost died two days ago. I'm not going to let you-."

"Do I get a say in this?" Jordan shouted over Woody's declaration. He went to her side. Lu watched Jordan's hand run up his arm to his shoulder. He closed his eyes.

"Jo, I-." She was starring at him purposefully when his eyes clicked open.

"What ever it is it's okay." She said softly. "What ever it is I'll get through it." He took her hand now and kissed it. She needed to be told and she needed to be told now, Lu decided.

"It's not what you're thinking." She began.

"Stop." Woody said firmly. "I.. I should be the one to tell her."

"Woody.. I don't think…"

"Oh for God's sake someone just tell me." Jordan tossed her head back onto the stark white hospital sheets. "Where the hell is Santana? She'll tell me."

"Jordan.." Lu knew she could tell Woody was nervous. She pulled their clasped hands to his face and touched it with the tips of her fingers. He leaned into her. "I.. It's.."

"Shh.." She hushed him sweetly before looking at Tallulah. "I think you better tell me."

* * *

(Ten minutes before she learned the truth) 

"Can I come in?" She hadn't expected Lu Simmons.

"Why not?" She said trying to smile.

"Where's Woody?" She looked around the room.

"I made him walk Lily to her car." Jordan said softly. "He doesn't know you're here?"

"No." Lu was studying her, Jordan tried not to squirm. "I think we need to talk."

"You should be talking to Woody." Tallulah made a face. "I didn't ask him to stay if that's what you think."

"No. I know why he stayed." She shook her head. "He loves you. You were hurt and he needed to be with you because he loves you." Jordan watched her face, it told her nothing, no anger, no pain. "Woody's a good guy Jordan."

"I know that." She said harshly, not wanting Detective Simmons telling her anything about who Woody Hoyt was.

"He didn't mean for.. It wasn't.." She shook her head as Jordan caught site of the figure in the door way. His mouth dropped open and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" He asked sharply moving between Jordan and Lu.

* * *

(A half an hour before she learned the truth) 

"Woody?" He didn't like her tone.

"Lily?" He said softly.

"It's none of my business, but asa friend, of you _and_ Jordan, I want to know what's going on." She told him in a sigh.

"Even if I could tell you?" He raised and eyebrow at her. "I wouldn't know where to start."

"Start with your relationship with Detective Simmons." Lily told him as he took her arm to cross the street.

"Nothing is going on there."

"Woody, please." She scoffed.

"It was a one time thing, before Jordan and I.." He stopped and looked at Lily to see if she knew about the Inn. She was clueless. "..started trying to work things out. She was with Pollak."

"So you slept with Lu to get back at her?" Lily asked.

"No." He said too quickly. "Maybe." He took a deep breath. "I didn't want her to find out Lily, I didn't do it to hurt her. It _was_ to get back at her though, just for my own benefit."

"It's unethical." Lily murmured.

"Unethical?" He said in confusion. "She was still with that damn-."

"No.. not you.. her." She stopped walking. "She was your psychologist, she shouldn't have ever-. Never mind."

Woody was silent. He knew what she meant. He had thought about it. Wondering if he had slept with Lu so readily because he was emotionally vulnerable to her. In the entire four years he'd been '_with Jordan'_ he'd only slept with two people other than her, and both of them had been since the shooting.

"The day of the bombing.." He began to explain, urging Lily forward. "Tallulah lost her daughter three years ago Lily." Lily stopped again. "Her little girl and her husband were killed in a car accident. Her daughter was six, she was burned badly.."

"Like the children from the-." Lily's hand went to her mouth.

"I was the only one who knew and to tell you the truth I'd forgotten all about it. I was too wrapped up in myself and in trying to get back to Jordan. I wasn't very considerate of her that day. She asked to leave about seven times and I never even-." He'd just wanted to get done and get to Jordan, he glanced at Lily who was nodding in understanding. "She was-. When I found her crying-. Lily, I couldn't just leave her there."

"Woody." Lily sighed in understanding.

"I was just going to bring her back to the morgue, to you and Stiles, but she wouldn't leave." He closed his eyes for a second. "I should have called, put her in the car, handed her off to a paramedic. I should have done something. I was just so mad at myself for making her-."

"It wasn't your fault you didn't remember. She could have said something to someone else. She shouldn't have laid that on you." Lily shook her head. "It's…"

"Unethical." He nodded looking at Lily for a long time. "She's-." He stopped.

"What?" She asked softly. "Woody tell me."

"She's said some things, about Jordan. Made _comments_ about things I told her about." Lily looked horrified. "Not to anyone else. Just to me, but-."

He recognized Lily's car taking her keys from her hand and unlocking the door for her. "I really messed things up, Lily."

"Woody you have to tell her." He nodded looking back towards the hospital.

* * *

(An hour before she learned the truth) 

"Lily's on her way up." Jordan looked over at Woody as he clapped his phone shut and reopened his book, only to shut it again when she spoke.

"She's come everyday after work hasn't she?" Jordan asked slowly.

"Of course she has. She's worried about you." He answered as she looked him over.

"I'm starting to worry about you." She told him softly.

"I'm fine." He moved closer to her, brushing his fingers down her arm and back up again.

"You're tired. Your back has to hurt from sitting in that chair all day and you've barely eaten at all." She explained.

"It won't kill me to be a little tired. My back will be fine, and I hate hospital food." He countered.

"You hate hospitals." She huffed.

"But I love you." The smoothness of his voice made her smile, and that made him smile.

"You can go home. You know? Nothing horrible will happen if you do."

"Trying to get rid of me? Not going to work. I leave when you leave and that Jordan, is not until tomorrow." She smiled at him again. Satisfied, he went back to reading his book.

"Hey.." She called softly, watching his eyes raise up to hers. "I love you too."

* * *

(When she learned the truth.) 

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Have you two-?" She stopped asking and Woody felt her readjust her hold on his hand. He wondered if it was for his benefit or hers. "Are you two having sex?"

"It was just one time." Woody whispered. "After the Sterling case, before we were back on track."

"When exactly did we get back on track?" She laughed, but Woody could see the seriousness in her gaze. He'd hurt her.

"Jordan I'm-."

"Woody stop." She ordered him softly laying her free hand over the spot their tangled ones rested on her stomach. "So.. one time?" Lu nodded, Woody wondered if she hadn't believed him. "What about the day of the bombing?"

He closed his eyes tightly, rubbing his thumb across the palm of her bottom hand. She calmly traced circles across the back of his. She was looking at him when his eyes opened. "Why did you stay with her?"

"Jordan, Woody stayed with me at the site because he knew something about my past that no one else did." Woody took a staggered breath and she squeezed his hand tighter. "Three years ago, I lost my family in an accident. My daughter was six, she had been-." She stopped and he watched her try to regain control.

"She was burned pretty badly." Woody whispered watching Jordan's eyes soften.

"Seeing the bodies of those children effected me more than I thought it would." She continued. "I was in pretty bad shape and he knew he couldn't leave me alone. I.. I don't really know anyone here. My family's still in Connecticut. I didn't have anywhere else to go and he knew that. He tried to get me to come back with him but I couldn't. I knew that was where they had taken the bodies." She was crying now and he almost felt guilty for the accusations Lily had brought into his mind. Woody looked back at Jordan, she watched Lu with an empathetic face. "I.. I just wanted you to know that he didn't stay because he wanted too."

With that she walked to the door.

"Tallulah?" Woody watched Jordan's eyes flutter before she spoke again. "I'm sorry, about your family, about your little girl."

Lu smiled weakly and nodded before she left.

"Woody." Jordan's voice was remorseful and it broke his heart.

"Don't Jordan. Please? It's still my fault. The wrong choice for the right reasons is still the wrong choice." He sighed. "And it didn't start with this and we know that. It started.. Hell, I don't know where it started. I'm-. I promised I wouldn't hurt you or reject you, but I did. I don't deserve you after what I've done. I-."

"Good." She whispered, he looked down at her face in confusion. "We're even then, because I've never deserved you." Her voice broke a little and she closed her eyes. "Never."


	5. discovery

A/N.. I love the reviews where people are trying to figure what's up with all this.. please keep reviewing… I'm inspired by Ausslow spoilers… and I'm afraid the funeral will be for a certain red headed detective that I love…… but this is my story so.. who knows.!

* * *

(Five minutes before she found him) 

She wandered around the apartment, picking up things and setting them down like she hadn't seen them before. Like they weren't hers. She looked back at the table where the paper still sat. She should have let Woody throw it away when he wanted to. Jordan glance towards her bedroom, something had caught her eye. Something out of place. She walked closer and pushed the door slowly until it opened all the way.

* * *

(Ten minutes before she found him) 

"Hey?" Woody leaned over her and lifted her chin. "Just say the word and I'll have you back safe and sound at my place and still make it in on time."

She smiled at him and he pushed her hair back over her thin shoulder.

"I'm okay." She smiled again turning back to the door, still hesitating at the lock. "It's just…"

"Ask me again." He whispered wrapping around her from behind and putting her key in the lock. "I'll get it right this time." He felt her lean back into him.

"You have to go to work."

"We can pretend."

"You wanna come in?" She asked softly.

"Of course I do." He turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, kissing the back of her neck.

"You have to go to work." She reminded him as he tightened his hold on her.

"It's too cold in here anyway." He laughed.

"I must have turned off the heat when I left." She said absently. "The things you think of when you're wasted." He snorted, kissing her quickly before walking to the thermostat and turning it up.

"If you expect me to sleep here tonight I'm putting this thing on 80." He told her turning back around. She was standing in front of the counter, looking at the evidence of her destruction. Several empty bottles lined up against the edge of the sink. He sighed and walked back to her. "Let me take you back to my place." He moved his hand up and down her back as she shook her head.

"I have to face it at some point." She said putting her hand on his chest.

"I don't feel good about leaving you like this." He sighed.

"I'm okay. Go. Finish up and come back." She smiled at him.

"Want me to bring lunch?" She nodded putting her bag down the table. Woody grimaced as the paper slipped out. "I thought you threw that away?"

She looked at him shyly.

"I.. I can't. I have to deal with this, Woods." She tossed her hands. "It's gonna create a PR nightmare for the ME office and for the department. I mean Renee is already on us about Garrets DWI and now this."

He looked at her before looking at his watch.

"I've.. I don't want to.. but I have-." He sputtered, she touched his cheek.

"Go." She told him as he kissed her quickly and walked out the door.

* * *

(The night before she found him) 

"I don't think so." Woody kissed her bare shoulder.

"I have to go back there sometime." She laughed. "I need clothes." He raised his eye brow at her and she smirked at him.

"I don't know I think you look fine." He said pulling her back a little and looking at her body pressed nakedly against his.

"Eventually I'll need clothes." Lily had brought her the bag she kept in her locker at work, but she couldn't wear the same two outfits indefinitely. "I have to go back to work Monday." He made a face. "You Detective are on call tomorrow."

"I have about a weeks worth of paperwork to get to."

"You can drop me off in the morning." She told him. "Go to the office, get stuff done and then bring your paper work back to my place." He grinned at her. "Do you think she's going to suspend me?" She held his steady gaze.

"No. If she did that she'd have to suspend Garret. She'd have to suspend me." He kissed the wrinkle that her worried expression left between her eyes. "She knew about all this too. It's not really shocking to anyone involved."

"I think the public might be a little shocked." Jordan mumbled. "This is all my fault."

"Stop Jordan. Renee will deal with it." She nodded into his chest. "And it's his fault. He used the fact that you two had a relationship to get a story. It's not like it was the first time."

She huffed out a breath, feeling him flinch a little.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-."

"I should have kicked his ass right then and there when he did that to you." She whispered. She couldn't see the sly grin that appeared on his face, but she had known it was there. He kissed her hair.

"I've been called worse."

"Yeah.. by him.. in this mornings paper." She shook her head back and forth quickly. "What was I thinking?"

"You weren't." He said softly, before he chuckled. "Or at least that's what I told myself so I could sleep at night."

"I love you." He heard the tears in her voice.

"Hey, it's just an article. I'm fine. We're all going to be fine."

* * *

(The day before she found him) 

Woody groaned loudly when her phone rang.

"I hate that thing."

"Cavanaugh?"

"_Jordan?"_ It was Garret. _"I went your apartment."_

"Yeah.. I'm not there." She told him holding the phone tighter to her ear. Woody made faces at her over his bowl of cereal.

"_But Lily told me you were discharged yesterday?"_

"Yeah.." She tried to keep the smirk out of her voice as she flipped her spoon at him. Little droplets of milk shot to his face and he yelped.

"_What's going-. Oh_." She actually felt bad for him for a second. "_You're with Woody."_

"Yeah.. I didn't want to go back home yet." He winked at her.

"_Well.. good I guess. I just wanted to make sure you'd seen the article."_

"The what?" Her face paled and she looked at Woody. He stopped wiping his face and met her gaze.

"What?" He asked.

"_I think you better get the paper."_

"Get the paper." She told him and he shot towards the door.

"_It'll be all right Jordan. We'll deal with it. I'm just thankful you're all right."_ She'd stopped listening. She was studying Woody's face. He closed his eyes and turned the paper to face her. There she was sprawled out on the lawn surrounded by paramedics, Woody's hand covering half of his panicked face.

It was almost the same expression he was wearing when she looked up to him. Her eyes softened and she went to him without even read the headline.

"I gotta go." She mumbled hanging up on Garret while taking the paper from Woody and pulling him to her. It was a few minutes later that she read the headline.

_Drinking and Dicing: Is everyone at the Medical examiners office drunk? By JD Pollak._

_

* * *

_

(When she found him)

The closer she had gotten to the bedroom the more she'd noticed the faint but familiar smell. She pulled out her phone and dialed Woody before she actually confirmed what she saw. She gasped a little, her hands shaking when she recognized the crumbled heap on her bedroom floor.

"_Miss me already_?"

"Woody."

"_What's wrong_?"

"Get back here." She said quickly, as her whole body joined in the shaking. "I.. He's.. Get back here."

"_I'm turning around_." He told her anxiously. _"What's going on_?"

"He's dead. He's.. He's.."

_"Who?"_

"He's in my bedroom."

"_Who's in your-."_

"Pollak. He's dead."

"_Jordan? Jordan get out of there right now_." He yelled at her. "_Get out of there_." She could hear him call for back up. She could hear him asking dispatch to request Dr. Garret Macy and Detective Christina Santana. She heard his siren go on through the phone seconds before she heard it on the street. He hadn't gotten very far after he'd left this morning. "_Tell me your out of there Jordan_." She backed up towards the door. "_Talk to me Sweetheart."_

"Hurry."


	6. clean

A/N Ahhh.. I swear this story is haunting me! Anyway.. it's gonna get angsty again. Sorry.

* * *

(Five minutes before she ran) 

"So what you're saying is, you don't remember if you had spoken to him the morning of your 'accident'." Lu Simmon's leaned in towards her in a way that made her nervous.

"No, that's not what I said." She looked at Santana's wide eyes. "I.. I'm just saying they're a pieces missing. I haven't spoken to Pollak in-."

"Dr. Cavanaugh?" She interrupted. "What are the odds that someone without your expertise would know what they needed to do not to leave physical evidence at a crime scene?"

"Any one who watches CSI Miami?" Jordan said, her usual sarcasm returning.

"She's not answering any more questions with out her attorney." Woody walked purposefully into the room.

"Woods." She didn't know why he was insisting that.

"Jordan." He held her gaze letting her know he meant business.

"I don't have anything else right now anyway." Simmons' looked up at the woman standing in the door way behind Woody. Jordan knew her. She was a private ME, with a very familiar and smug look of discovery on her face. "CSI Boston finished detailing you're apartment. The new ME must have finished her autopsy. Look's like they might have found something." The blonde walked out the door. Santana reached across the table and touched Jordan's arm before doing the same. Jordan glanced up at the window to where she knew her friends must be clustered.

"Hey." His voice was soft as he slipped into the chair beside her. "Brandau was getting nervous. He thinks you said too much."

"Brandau? Who's all in there?" She asked, her eyes not moving from the window. He breathed out a quick laugh.

"Everyone we know."

"Great." Her hands were shaking. He put his over them.

"It's going to be all right."

"Did Garret find anything on the body?" Woody looked down, pulling her hand off the table and into his. "They took him off the case."

"It's going to be-." She kissed him then, hard, not caring who was watching through the window. He pushed his hands back through her hair and pulled away gently. "Jordan."

"I'm going to go see Garret." She thumbed her hand towards the hall. He nodded watching her cross the room, she looked back at him and he closed his eyes. She knew he had figured out what was about to happen.

* * *

(Half an hour before she ran) 

"We just have some questions Jordan." Santana said softly in a stark contrast to Lu's stony expression.

"She gave already gave you a statement." He told Santana feeling Jordan's grip on his hand tighten.

"This has nothing to do with you Hoyt." Tallulah said quickly.

"The hell it doesn't." He growled at her.

"Woody." Santana's soft voice made him nervous. "We just need to ask you some questions Jordan."

"She's not saying anything without a lawyer." Woody said quickly.

"No. I'll.. I'll talk to Santana. She can ask me what ever she wants." The woman's eyes looked down.

"She won't be asking the questions Doctor." Woody looked at Lu again like she was a total stranger.

"I think you should listen to Woody, Jordan." Santana looked conflicted.

"Look. If she waved, she waved. Do you want to talk or not?" The blonde detective quipped.

Jordan looked at Woody.

"I'm calling Kim." He said pulling away from her and walking down the hall. He'd met her friend Kim when they had made out their living wills. Kim's number was in his rolodex. "Don't say anything." He knew she wouldn't listen.

He was half way through his conversation with her when Brandau rushed over to him.

"You better get in there and tell her to lawyer up right now." The ADA told him urgently. Woody got to his feet and rushed back down the hall.

* * *

(Two hours before she ran.) 

Lu Simmons walked into the morgue with a purpose. Lily watched through the window as she handed a piece of paper in her hand to Nigel before busting into trace.

"I'm going to have to ask you to stop." She said coolly, Lily didn't move from the corner where she'd been watching Garret work on Pollak's body. "I have a court order for the body to be transferred to a private coroner."

"I thought this was Detective Santana's case?" Garret asked warily.

"She's been removed. Conflict of interest. She's too involved with Dr. Cavanaugh."

"And you're not?" Lily said standing up and marching over to her. "You slept with her boyfriend." If Lu was surprised, she didn't show it. "I may be the only one in the entire BPD that doesn't have a soft spot for the ME."

"I'll bet you don't." Lily mumbled.

"Are you saying Jordan's a suspect?" Garret asked still clinging to the bag of trace evidence he'd pulled off Pollak.

"I'm saying she is a person of interest."

"That's ridiculous." Nigel said handing Garret the paperwork and nonchalantly taking the bag from him.

"The body of her ex-boyfriend, who had just written a scathing story about her, her boss and her on again off again lover, was found by her in her bed room." Lu turned to face Nigel. "Hardly ridiculous."

She walked out of the room. Lily made a face.

"Guys, Woody hasn't told me everything, but he told me enough. Lu Simmons has it for Jordan." Garret studied her. "This is bad."

"How much did you get from the scene?" Garret asked Nigel.

"Not as much as I wanted.. but some." His face was grim. "What did you get off the body?" He asked holding up the bag.

"Fabric fibers." He said and Nigel's face fell, Lily sighed.

"Not exactly a smoking gun."

* * *

(Three hours before she ran) 

Woody sat with her on the steps in the hall. She hadn't said anything since he had drug her out of the apartment. She still sat right where he had set her. She hadn't seemed to notice Garret or Nigel rush by. She had nodded at Santana.

"Hey, I'll be right back." She looked at him for a minute after he spoke before nodding. He made his way back through the door.

"Woody." Nigel called to him. "You said you touched the thermostat." He nodded. "Than this set has to be yours." The Brit shook his head. "This doesn't make sense."

"What?"

"It's a thermostat. People touch it everyday. Someone had to turn it off."

"So?"

"So yours is the only set of prints on it." He shook his head. "It's been wiped clean." Nigel looked around nervously. "Someone cleared the crime scene."

Woody closed his eyes. This was bad.

* * *

(When she ran) 

Jordan walked out of the interagation room and into the stairwell. She tried not to cry as she ran down the steps to her car. She fumbled with the keys and pulled away from the station.

In the car she cried, panic seeping into her. They thought she killed him. They were going to try and nail her to the wall like they had with her Dad and Malden. She had to get out of there. She had to go somewhere and collect her thoughts. She had to figure out the best way to deal with this.

She found herself at her Dad's house. Convincing herself it was just a stop. She would regroup, call Woody and have him come get her and take her home. Or she would jump on a plane to anywhere but here.

She hadn't been there longer than an hour when she heard a knock at the back door. She looked in the kitchen trying carefully not to be seen, only to see a pair of blue eyes starring back at her.


	7. realization

(Five minutes before it dawned on them)

"That's what he said." She whispered still holding the phone.

"It doesn't make any sense Jordan. Why would you clean everything but the gun?"

She stopped talking, her face paling considerably. Woody touched her back.

"I'm-. I'm going to be sick." She said softly walking quickly down the hall. He closed his eyes for a second trying to collect himself, before following her. He held her hair and tried not to watch. He'd seen her throw up enough at the hospital, he didn't need a repeat performance.

"You okay?" He whispered after a few minutes, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"Yeah." She breathed, turning to his concerned gaze. "I'm okay."

* * *

(Fifteen minutes before it dawned on them)

Woody heard her phone ringing, he hated that phone. It made him smile when he thought about it. How he projected all his frustrations towards Jordan and the delays in there relationship onto her cell phone.

He reached over her stirring body and grabbed it before it could wake her.

"Yeah Dr. M?" It was Garret he'd seen his name on the screen.

"_Woody. Please, tell me she's with you_." He smiled, looking down at her sleeping form.

"She's with me."

"_Thank God. Woody_.." He heard Garret grunt, begin to tell him something and then stop and grunt again.

"Dr. Macy?"

"_They found her gun. It was under the sink_."

"But she keeps it in her.."

"_I know_."

"What are you telling me?"

"_Her prints were on the gun Woody_."

"It's her gun Garret." He said in confusion before panic struck him. "Please don't tell me this.."

"_It matches the murder weapon. The Private ME is running ballistics right now." _Woody ran his hand across Jordan's back as her eyes started to open.

"When will they know?" He asked as her tired eyes widened at his expression.

"_Twenty minutes_ _maybe, thirty. They're not as efficient as we are."_ He growled.

"There's no way Nigel can get his hands-?" Woody began cupping her frightened face in his free hand as she sat up next to him on the bed.

"_No_." Garret interrupted. "_We tried_."

"This doesn't make any sense Dr. M." He closed his eyes feeling Jordan's hands on the phone. He let it go, wanting Macy to tell her. He didn't want to say the words.

"Garret?" She asked in a raspy voice.

"_Hey Jordan_." She could almost see him running his hands across his face. "_They found your gun. It matches. They're running ballistics_."

"Prints?"

"_Just yours and they're nearly perfect_."

* * *

(The night before it dawned on them.)

He carried her up the stairs. Her quiet sobs breaking in and out of the silence as she kissed him. He nuzzled her closer to him as he turned towards the bedroom. He knew this house. He'd come here to clean it out after Max left, after Malden. She couldn't have done it and he knew it. So when she'd shown up in his office the next morning holding out the key to him like it was tainted, he'd pocketed the thing, whispering he'd take care of it.

He opened the door with his foot, laying her across the bed.

"I need you." She said softly, as he brushed his thumb over her tears. He laid down beside her pulling her against him as tightly as they'd been this morning, kissing her firmly as if to ground her to the moment. She ran her hand up his body, her fingers grasping at the back of his neck. "I love you."

He started to unbutton her blouse, moving his hand up to each button with out ever looking away from her face. She traced her fingers across his cheek, his jaw, and then his lips. Studying every line of his face. Every curve of his sad smile. He pulled his sweater and T-shirt over his head when she moved herself back to take her arms from their sleeves. Her hands returned to the buttons of his pants, her breath still unsteady with tears. He traced over her shoulders, working down her back and undoing the clasp of her bra and untangling her from it.

They moved silently and slowly, trying to push down the fear that this may be the last timefor a long time. He propped himself up on his elbow and slid her pants off of her waist and down her legs until she kicked them off. He moved his hands almost cautiously against the back of her panties sliding his hands under them and pushing them down and away. She said nothing as he stood up appraising her naked body from above, she simply pulled off his pants and boxers before kissing his hard stomach before moving her lips to the spot on his inner thigh that she had found make him useless for anything but this. He gasped moving her back on the bed and crashing himself down over her.

That was the way it was going to be, slow and deliberate, silent but expressive, neither voicing the fears inside of their heads. Still he heard it, each time his lips moved from hers, her nearly silent fearful tears.

* * *

(When it dawned on them)

"Are you sure?" He asked her sweetly, still holding her hair as he wiped her lips with a wash cloth like he head in the hospital just a few days ago.

"Yeah. I.. I felt like this yesterday too. I'll be fine in an hour or so. It's just a morning thing." She felt him flinch beside her, his hand moving through her hair she was about to ask him what was wrong when she saw the way he was looking at her.

"Jordan.." Her hand went to her mouth.

"Oh God." She heard herself whimper, tying to remember dates, count days. "Oh my God…"

"Hey." He took her firmly by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. She felt the tears spill over her eye lids. "Jordan?"

All she could do was nod, her shoulder moving beneath his hand in a shrug. Now he looked like he was going to throw up.

"I.. oh my God… I didn't think.. I.." She tried to explain to him, know he was picturing the scene, her laying in the grass not breathing. How they'd pumped her stomach at the hospital. The empty bottles lined up by the sink. He rubbed his hand up her arms. "Oh God, what did I do?"

"You didn't know." He told her softly, folding his arms around her again. She let him pull her up and walk her back down to the living room couch. He got her a glass of water. Looking at the clock. "I'll call Santana, tell her what's going on and we'll go back to the-." He stopped when he heard the banging on the door.

"Woody? Woody, come on man, don't make me bust down the damn door!" He looked at Jordan quickly before moving away and turning the lock. Matt swung the door open and looked at them sympathetically. "I'm sorry guys."

He was, Jordan could tell. She smiled at him.

"The ballistics confirmed the gun as the murder weapon." He told them softly. "I'm sorry, Jordan." She felt a tear slip down her cheek. She didn't care. She didn't care about the case, what she hadn't done. All she cared about was what she had done. "I have to take you in." He made a move towards her before Woody moved into the space between them. "Woody, I have to cuff her. Walcott-."

"I swear to God Seely if you touch her-." He stopped himself clinching his fists in front of his squinting eyes. He held out his hand. "Give me the-." His voice trailed off and Matt dropped the cuffs into his hand. He pulled the key from them putting it in his pocket before he knelt down in front of Jordan. "She.. she needs to go back to the hospital." Woody told him, moving the metal rings around her wrists. Matt nodded as Woody carefully pulled Jordan to her feet he stood behind her, holding her up before he nodded at Seely.

"You have the right to remain silent.."

"This time you have to do it, Sweetheart." Woody whispered to her in a shaking voice. She nodded.

"if you wave that right anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." She could feel Woody's chest quake against her back, she wished she could hold his hands. "You have the right to an attorney.."

"I'll call Kim from the car." He murmured in her ear.

"If you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you…"

A/N I didn't think we were going here. There are a lot of 'Jordan having a baby' stories out there and they just had a baby in my last story.. I don't know if this is going to work out.. it's just where the little characters in my head took me…


	8. explaination

A/N this thing has a mind of it's own. I swear I'm as surprised as you are.

* * *

(Five minutes before it was explained.) 

She woke up slowly, her eyes taking in the unfamiliar room. She had instinctively reached her hand out towards the left side of the bed. It was empty. She tried to remember something, anything. All she could think of at first was the hospital that morning. Then slowly things started coming back.

"Woody?" She called out almost frantically.

"Hey Buttercup!" The familiar voice that answered only concerned her more. "It's okay, you're okay."

She looked up his dimpled smile.

"Where am I?"

Calvin Hoyt smirked, running his hand back through his hair just like Woody.

"Kawanee my favorite sister-in-law. Kawanee."

* * *

(Fifteen minutes before it was explained.) 

Cal sat on a chair in the corner watching her sleep. If he would have said he was surprised when his brother called in a panic yesterday morning, that would have been an understatement.

"_Calvin. I need you." Woody had yelled after he had said hello. _

"_Woods?" He struggled with what to say next. What do you say to someone who told you to get out of their life less than two years ago. _

"_Listen Cal. Please Listen. I need you to meet me in Ohio. Now."_

"_I'll see what I can do but I don't know if I can get a flight-."_

"_No! Calvin!" Woody's voice was starting to scare him. "You can't fly. You have to drive. You can't tell anyone. Just get in the car and start driving to Ohio."_

"_Woody? It'll take me-."_

"_Ten hours, I know. I'm meeting you half way."_

"_Woods? What the-."_

"_I can't tell you now." He snapped before lowering his voice. "Look Cal, you are the only person I can count on to do this. I swear Calvin it's the most important thing I will ever ask you to do. Now call me at 321-555- 3864, from a pay phone, when you get to Ohio.."_

"_Okay." He whispered repeating the number under his breath as he wrote it down._

_Okay_? What was he thinking? _Okay._ Not, what the hell? Not, are you crazy? Not, is this illegal? Just okay and he'd started driving. Only his brother could make him do something like that.

He heard her starting to stir on the bed and looked up. How the hell was she going to react to this?

* * *

(Twelve hours before it was explained.) 

Woody pulled behind the truck stop and waited. He looked at her asleep in the seat next to him. He ran his fingers across her face and tried not to think about how he could be making the biggest mistake of his life.

He watched his brother's pick up pull around the corner. He got out slowly looking around. Cal hopped out walking over to him with out saying a word, just like he'd asked him to.

"Now are you going to tell me what the hell's going on here?"

"No." Woody whispered. "The less you know the better. So don't let her tell you either. Don't ask."

"Her?" He walked Calvin over to the passenger side of the rental car and let him look at Jordan.

"Take her to the farm." He told his younger brother firmly. "No stops… I mean none. You have to use the bathroom, find a bush. Gas, you use **this** at the pump." He handed him Nigel's credit card. "No stops."

"Woody?" The detective rubbed his face and looked at his brother. He was staring at his hand. "That's.. Dad's wedding ring."

"Yeah." Woody breathed looking at it again.

"When did you get-?"

"Seven hours ago." He told his brother opening the door to the car and pulling Jordan into his arms and walking towards Cal's truck.

"Woody you've got to tell me something!" Cal opened the door for him and he settled Jordan into the seat and buckled her in. He moved the hair off of her face and kissed her. She barely stirred.

"Here's what I'm going to tell you. She's sick." He handed call a black bag from the trunk. "She took a sedative a few hours ago. She could be out for a while. She had…" Woody closed his eyes not knowing what to say. "She had a.."

"Woody?"

"She had a miscarriage this morning." Hefinally told him swallowing hard. Cal's mouth fell open. "There's.. Everything she needs is in here. She knows when to take what when. But Cal watch her when she does.. I mean.. she's-."

"Wait.. where the hell are you going?" Cal asked almost frantically.

"I've got to get back. Nigel can only stall them for so long if they find out I'm gone." He looked at his watch. "I have to go." He put his hands on his brother's shoulders. "No stops. Talk to no one. Take her to the farm." Cal nodded. He only seemed momentarily surprised when Woody pulled him into an embrace. "Please Calvin. You have to keep her safe." He broke away and went back to his car, glancing quickly towards the truck. Never looking back at his brother.

* * *

(The night before it was explained.) 

"Jordan?" She didn't look away from the window. She hadn't asked him one single question and it was starting to scare the hell out of him. "Sweetheart?"

He reached out and turned her face towards him, feeling the dampness of her skin.

"You okay?" She nodded slowly, he wondered if it was the emotional upheaval or the Vicodin that made her like this. "Honey, I need you to hold this together. Just for an hour okay?" She nodded.

"This isn't how I thought it would be." She finally spoke in a wistful tone. He reached out for her hand.

"Me either." He stroked her fingers with his thumb. "We'll fix it when all this blows over." He heard her sniff sarcastically. That was better than silence he thought. "Jordan?" Her eyes slid to his. "You trust me?"

She moved her head to his shoulder nodding again. He sighed in relief as they crossed the Vermont border. The second part of his plan was going to fall into place.

* * *

(The morning before it was explained) 

Matt Seely had seen the look that crossed over Jordan's face when they hadn't see a heartbeat on the ultrasound, he never wanted to see a look like that again.

Her eyes had been vacant after that. Woody's had moved spastically around the room. Matt had let him uncuff her when the doctor performed the D&C. Matt had sat outside the door.

"She's going to be out of it for a while, Detective." The doctor told him when he asked if he could speak to her.

"About nine weeks, Lily." He listened Woody on the phone in the corner. "No, no don't come, she's.." He rubbed his hand across his face. "Lily, I promise you can come see her later. I need to talk to Nige." Matt watched Woody look around for a more private place. "Nigel.. yeah I will. Nigel.. uh huh. NIGE! I need your help." He ducked into the stairwell. Matt tried to decide if he wanted to follow him or not.

(in the stairwell.)

"Are you alone? Get that way." Woody waited "Nige. I need a car. Something untraceable. It needs to be in good condition. Good enough to go a long distance." He rubbed his hands across his face and waited. After what he felt was way to long he heard Nigel's voice again.

"_Woodrow, I'll have something parked behind the hospital in thirty minutes. They'll be a packet in an envelope on the seat and the key's will be inside it."_

"Nige I don't need new identities or anything. I'm coming back. I just need to get Jordan out of here for a while."

"_I know right? And you need to be untraceable. You need the packet_."

Woody waited the half hour in the hallway looking out the window before he made his way back into Jordan's room.

"Matt can I have some time alone with her?" He asked managing to sound calm, even with his heart jumping out of his chest.

"Sure man.. I'll.. I'll call the station." He stood up and walked out. His eyes meeting Woody's for a little too long.

He waited until Seely was gone. Waited until the end of the hallway was quiet.

"Jordan? Sweetheart?" She rolled her eyes open and looked at him. "We have to get you out of here."

"Woody?" She looked alarmed. "You can't do that you'll loose your job."

"Shh. Come on." He picked her up slowly, reaching for the aftercare bag they'd given him. He'd already filled her prescriptions, he already had her bag from his trunk. She laid her head against his chest.

"Woody, I.." She started to cry again.

"This isn't you're fault." He told her again. "You didn't know."

He looked out into the hallway again before slipping through the door and down the back stairwell out the door and into the car Nigel had made appear.

* * *

(When it was explained.) 

"Kawanee?" The last thing she even vaguely remembered was Woody lifting her from the car in the dark. She had known he was talking to someone. But Cal? "Where is he?"

"Back in Boston by now." He looked at her. "Jordan?"

"I'm-. I'm a suspect. We-. We got married so he wouldn't have to testify against me." She said in confusion.

"That's not the only reason you got married Jordan." Cal said sounding like Woody.

"I was going to turn myself in. He said I needed to-." He'd said nothing about Kawanee or Cal or leaving her. She felt the dull ache in her body become sharper bringing her back to reality. Her face must have changed because Cal jumped to his feet and grabbed a bag off the dresser. "Here.. Woody said you'd know what to take when. I'll-. I'll get you some water." He rushed into the bathroom and returned with the water as she moved the pills into her hand. He looked at them intensely. "He's afraid I'll take the whole bottle, isn't he?" Cal started to argue but she put up her hand and raiser her eyebrow. "He knows me too well." She smirked at Cal handing him the three bottles. "Give um back in five hours." She wondered how long Woody had wrestled with having to turn over Vicodin to his drug abusing brother.

"Jordan.. I'm sorry about what happened."

"The alcohol poisoning , the murder, being framed, the miscarriage or the marriage?" Cal's face fell. He didn't know everything. How like Woody not to even trust his own brother enough to explain. She looked down into the bag, pulling out a piece of paper with her name in his handwriting.

_Jordan. _

_Trust me. I'm going to make this right. I love you. This wasn't your fault, you didn't know. I love you. Watch out for Cal.. remember Mary Alice McKensy. I'll come get you as soon as I can… _

_love_

_your husband_

_(scary huh?) _

She looked at Cal, tears coming to her eyes again.

"Hey." She noticed again how much he sounded like Woody. He sat down and put his arms around her. "It's going to be okay, Buttercup." She laughed.

"He'd kill you right now." She choked out.

"Yeah.. Yeah.. Mary Alice McKensy… I know."


	9. surprise

A/N another loose ends chapter.. but its funny.. well I think it's funny and it has some nice Seely being the good guy moments..

* * *

(Five minutes before they all knew.)

"My client refuses to answer any of the detective's questions at this time your honor." Kim turned her head to the side and looked at Simmons.

"Well see I have a court order now." She said sweetly, looking at Renee who did not look impressed..

"About that." Woody said grinning madly, as Kim pulled out a piece of paper.

Lu Simmons face went blank when she saw it.

* * *

(An hour before they all knew.)

"OkayHoyt, talk to me." Santana closed the door to Woody's office and walked over to him.

"About what?"

"Matt lied for you didn't he?" Woody held her eyes for a minute.

"Christina, what are you talking about?"

"I saw the way you were looking at him. You were surprised when he came to your defense." She accused.

"He stood up to Simmons, he yelled with Renee Walcott and half of the ME's office in the room. Yes, I was surprised."

"If Lu finds her, she's not just going to throw the book at her but the whole damn set of encyclopedia's-."

"She won'tfindher." He said quietly looking hard at Santana. "If I couldn't bring her back her no one will."

"She's got a judge Woody." Santana told him. "Mitchell, he'll sign the order. You're going to have to tell the truth."

"I'm not going to have to say a thing."

* * *

(Two hours before they all knew.)

"But it proves you were with her. It proves she was in Vermont. That could come back to hurt us Woody."

"Doesn't matter." He told her. "I tell them she left in the middle of the night. I tried to find her, no luck."

"No."

"No?" He looked at Kim like she was crazy.

"No more lying Woody you're in too deep. You say nothing. Hide behind the Marriage Certificate." He nodded. "The place where she is? Did you take her there?"

"No." He swallowed hard at the thought. _Trust Cal. Trust Cal_.

"Have you spoken to her since she got there?"

"Not once." No matter how badly he had wanted to..

"Good." Kim looked around the room. "Are you ready for this thing to blow up? There is a lot at stake here. Your careers, your reputations." He nodded again. "It's already everywhere. The first hospitalization, the miscarriage. They're making her look like a real-." He looked down at the table as she spoke. "Woody, tell me she's far away from it. Tell me she won't see it." He looked at her and smiled. "Good."

* * *

(Three hours before they all knew.)

"Oh thank God." Christina Santana jumped out of her chair not even bothering to hang up the phone. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Looking for Jordan." Woody growled.

"Anything?" She watched as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Not enough." She felt bad for him.

"You're lawyer's here."

"Kim?" His face brightened as she followed him down the hall to the conference room.

"Woody!" Lily yelled running over and throwing her arms around him. "Please tell me youbrought her back withyou." He shook his head.

"Damn it! Damn it!" Garret bawled his fists up and smacked one into the wall. "She's still healing. She can't be out there running around-." Santana watched Macy rub his face.

"Hoyt. Nice of you to join us." He looked towards where Lu's cold voice was coming from. "I'm going to give you one chance to explain why no one's heard from you in 24 hours."

"I was looking for Jordan." He bit back at her. "And Nigel's heard from me."

"I want him questioned. He got her out of that hospital and I want to know where she is." Simmon's looked at Renee who shook her head in frustration.

"My client has already explained-." Kim began.

"Stop." All eyes in the room fell on Seely. "This is ridiculous. I've already told you that Hoyt was never out of my sight Tallulah. He wasn't even near the room when she disappeared. He was with me in another room. We were having a conversation. He was just as surprised to see she was gone as I was." Woody's eyes raised to Seely's. Santana watched the two men look at each other. Hoyt looked stunned, Matt was unreadable.

"So then he had someone else do it!" Lu yelled.

"No." Renee looked at Seely." That's good enough for me. I've already told you Detective Hoyt is not being investigated here."

Santana watched Woody, his eyes still on Seely.

* * *

(Three and a half hours before they all knew.)

"Why is it that no one around here thinks anything of the fact that Hoyt's been MIA for an entire day?" Lu Simmons yelled across the room. Nigel looked up at her.

"I told you, I've spoken to him several times today. He's looking for Jordan. I've been trying to track her. He's been calling in." Nigel informed looking innocently at the blonde detective.

"You haven't been able to contact him for me." She hissed.

"His battery was low. It must have died on him." Nigel shrugged his shoulders. "You can check my call log if you'd like, Luv." He held his phone up to Santana rolling back the list of times Woody's number had dialed his. She looked at Simmons shrugging even more innocently than Nigel.

"He's lied to protect her before. When she was a suspect in the Malden case."

They all turned to her now, all with the same look. How did she know that?

"How-?" Nigel began slowly.

"I can read doctor." She answered sharply.

"They were both completely cleared in that case." Garret yelled. "She turned herself into him and he arrested her himself. In the end it turned out neither one of them had a thing to do with it."

Renee raised her eyebrows in agreement.

"Besides, Matt Seely was at the hospital. He said Woody had no opportunity to-."

"I would rather you all wait for me before talking about what my clients may or may not have done." They all turned to see Kim in the door. She tossed her black hair over her shoulder and studied each face. Assessing the situation the same way Jordan would a crime scene. Nigel felt the grin spread across his face.

"Nice of you to join us, Luv."

(When they all knew)

Lu Simmons started yelling.

"Your Honor! This proves that Detective Hoyt had had contact with Dr. Cavanaugh after she left the hospital!"

"My client never denied that he had seen her. He only denied that he helped her escape, which Detective Seely collaborates and knowledge of her current whereabouts, of which he is unaware." Kim smiled.

"This is a misuse of the law." She hissed. "It's not intended that people marry to aid and abed criminals."

"Detective." It was Renee who spoke now. "I have about a hundred people, myself included, that would agree that these two should have been married years ago."

Judge Mitchell looked at Simmons helplessly.

"I'm sorry. You're free to go Detective Hoyt. Congratulations." He stopped for a moment. "I'm sorry for your loss as well." Woody nodded.

Simmons busted out the door of the Chambers.

"What happened?" Nigel grinned knowingly.

"He evoked."

"Evoked what?" Matt Seely said in confusion.

"Spousal Privilege." She snapped as Woody walked through the door, thrusting a copy of the marriage certificate at Matt.

Woody looked at their shocked expressions.

"Come on guys. Did you really think it could happen any other way?" He teased. Matt socked him in the arm.

"Lets get to work on this case so we can bring the little woman home from where ever she is." Garret told in a dry rumble.

Woody nodded.

_Trust Cal. Trust Cal. Trust Cal._


	10. shaken

(Five minutes before they got it)

"Woody I don't know what else to tell you, Mate."

"Come on Nigel. Please." Woody felt his hands start to shake again. "Please."

"They have the soap, the prints, a well cleared scene…"

"But she was with me Nigel!" He yelled. "I swear to you I never left her side!" Woody ran his fingers through his hair.

"I believe you, Woody. You know I do. I just can't prove it." Nigel looked at him remorsefully looking back at the screen. Woody started for the doors, picturing a life hiding out in a Kawanee farm house growing their own food in the back pasture. "Wait."

* * *

(An hour before they got it)

Nigel looked back at his friend. He was leaning forward with his head in his hands. Tapping his feet frantically.

"You could call her from the untraceable cell, Woody." He offered.

"I…" He shook his head. "I wiped the prints and left it in Ohio."

"There was no way to.."

"I didn't want them to find it on me if I was arrested." He told him, Nigel nodded. "What if we can't-?"

"Just stop it there, Woody." Bug said softly walking into the room. "We'll figure it out." Woody nodded. "Matt and Garret went back to her apartment. They're going to play the game. See if they can figure out something we've missed. Lily's trying to track down anywhere else that the soap could have come from."

Bug moved his hands over his face before shooting a glance at Nigel.

"Woody, why don't you go back to her office, rest for a while?" Bug asked quietly. The detective shook his head. This was getting worse and worse.

* * *

(Two hours before they got it)

"Woody?" Bug called into Jordan's dark office. He sat there not missing the irony of how he had found her like this the day of the bombing.

"Yeah?" He ran his hands across his face.

"Nigel and I have been trying to decide if this is any of our business. But," Woody looked up at him. "If I were you I would want to know."

"What?" Woody was surprised at the amount of fear in his voice.

"Pollak's autopsy results?" Bug handed him the file. "He was sterile."

Woody's lips parted, he hated himself for being both traumatized and relieved in that moment. He had told himself on the way to the hospital that he could love Jordan's baby no mater what, but he hadn't realized how deeply it would have effected him, until now that he knew.

"I'm sorry Woody. You don't know how sorry I am."

"Thanks." He breathed trying to sound calm. "I-I'm glad you told me. I'm glad I know." He nodded his head at Bug before the other man scooted out the door.

He looked down at his shaking hands for a second. Even if they fixed this, they'd never be able to undo the damage that had been done. How could they?

* * *

(Four hours before they got it.)

"Okay, so what do we have that links this to Jordan?" Matt Seely said writing her name and circling it in red. "The apartment, the victim, a motive, the murder weapon.."

"Her prints alone and unsmudged on the murder weapon, the knowledge of how to clean up a crime scene…" Garret added.

"The hospital soap." Lily reminded them.

"The what?" Woody looked at them.

"The scene was wiped down with a specific type of soap used by Boston General, Woody." Matt watched his eyes close as Garret told him the news.

"Okay? Is that all?" Nigel asked quickly. _All?_

Matt wrote 'contradictions' in blue and circled it.

"If she's going to wipe a scene clean, she'd wipe the gun." Woody mumbled. "Not to mention the fact that she went right from the hospital to my apartment. She was never away from me."

"Woody all that does it put suspicion on you." Kim said quietly. "If we used that, a jury would dig up every time you bent the truth to protect her. They'd nail you to the floor with the Malden case alone."

"She didn't tell anyone else that she was going home with you. We were all looking for her. It looks bad. It's a shoddy alibi, Woody." Garret reminded him.

"Hey!" Matt yelled from the white board. "Contradictions?"

"She couldn't have lifted the body, but it was moved. He wasn't shot in the bedroom. He may not have even been shot in the apartment." Woody perked up a little when Garret said this.

"What about blood? You can't clean up blood." He asked hopefully.

"There was hardly any blood from the body, Woodrow." Nigel told him shaking his head slowly. "He had reversed marks on his body. He'd laid at least in a different position for a while after he was dead. He was laying parallel with the floor boards. The marks were perpendicular."

"She couldn't have lifted him. She was still too weak to even drag him." Woody told them quickly.

"No, but you could have." Kim pointed out again.

"If she was going to kill him, she could have made it look like self defense. Like she came home and found him in her bedroom and shot him without knowing who he was." Nigel informed them. "He had a key right?"

"He gave it back." Woody supplied.

"But you and Jordan were the only ones who knew that then." Matt told him scribbling out a blue line and writing 'key'/self defense.

"She didn't know about the article. She was surprised when I called her." Garret mumbled. Matt wrote it down.

"She's an ME, I'm a homicide detective!" Woody yelled in frustration. "If we were going to commit a murder don't you think we would have done a better job protecting are selves? I mean come on! The cleared crime scene with a few mistakes screams set up." Lily walked forward and put her hand on his back. "I.. I can't even call her. I can't even see how she's.." He stood up and walked out of the room.

* * *

(When they got it)

"Wait" Nigel repeated again softly. Woody spun around to face him, his face pleading. "There's something here, a powder."

"What's that mean?" He asked moving closer.

"Nothing except that it's in a perfect half circle around the trigger." The grin started to spread across Nigel's pointed features.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning.. something may have been used to rig the gun.." He turned back towards Woody. "With out disturbing Jordan's prints."

"Something with a powder?" Woody made a face.

"Something with a latex powder." He said clicking at the computer screen.

"What has a latex powder?" Woody said walking over closer to Nigel.

"Gloves." Nigel said stiffly, putting on his own pair before he walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a small mock pistol they sometimes used in recreations. Rummaging around, until he found a small key, he walked over to the locking cabinets and grabbed a box of latex gloves. He stood over the sink and cut the glove off of the band at the bottom. He looped it around the trigger and pulled hard. "Bam." He pulled it off and walked back to his magnified glass and smiled. "And there it is."

Woody tried not to look too optimistic.

"She has unlimited access to latex gloves Nige."

"Accept… Sydney is allergic to latex. We switched to non-latex last year. So did the precinct." He twirled around his gloved hand. "She would have had to get the key and open the cabinet. Why would she do all that instead of just taking the latex free?"

"But it's used at the hospital." Woody told him. Nigel's face fell.

"It all goes back there." Lily said as she came through the door. "The soap and what else?"

"Latex gloves." Nigel said loudly.

"How do we prove that we didn't take those things from the hospital?' Woody said in irritation.

"We figure out who did." Nigel looked from Woody to Lily.

"It was just Santana, Lily, Jordan and I at the hospital. Just us." He said angrily.

"Woody?" Lily said softly her eyes snapping up to his. "And Lu Simmons."

"What?" Nigel said quickly.

"Woody said Lu Simmons had come to the hospital to see Jordan."


	11. proof

* * *

(Ten minutes before it all came out)

"You okay?" Seely asked quietly, leaning over Woody where he sat.

Woody nodded leaning back in the chair. Matt looked around at the crowd.

Internal affairs, half the DA's office, the entire morgue staff, the Chief of Police and half of the homicide detectives all sat starting at Nigel Towndsen.

Jordan had quiet the posse.

"Why is it taking so long?" Renee asked pacing around the room.

"There were twenty three sets of prints in the storage room." Nigel said quietly. Seely watched each print flash by until the door creaked open and Santana moved quietly into the room with Lu Simmons.

Woody instinctively felt for his gun. Matt put his hand on his shoulder firmly, glad he'd made the man give him his weapon.

"What's this?" She asked taking in the scene.

"We found a mystery print." Bug told her calmly.

Her eyes widened momentarily, Matt felt Woody flinch under his hold.

"Where?" She asked slowly, turning to face Renee. "At the apartment?"

"Nope." Bug said simply leaning forward slightly towards her. She shook her blonde head.

"You almost got away with it Tallulah." Woody said quietly, clicking his eyes up to her. "You almost pulled it off."

"What the hell is he talking about?" She asked looking from Santana to Matt to Renee.

"You were just to greedy. You needed more and more things to link it back to Jordan." Garret said quietly.

"I told you to stay away from her Lu. If you'd have listened, we may have never put it all together." Woody shook his head slowly. "I was trying to help you…"

"What are you talking about?"

The computer beep brought everyone back to Nigel.

* * *

(An hour before it all came out)

"_Talk to me Nigel_." Woody called into his phone as he answered it.

"Twenty three prints Woody." The Brit answered back leaning back in his chair.

"_I swear Nige. I could kiss you_."

"That lonely, Mate?"

"_Come on Nigel.. let me bring her home._" He begged.

"Hang on Woodrow. Hang on."

* * *

(Two hours before it all came out)

Macy walked through the doors of trace with Matt Seely on his heels.

"We need a search warrant. You get me one I'll link her to the body."

"How?" Matt asked skeptically.

"We find the sweater that these belong to." He held up a clear plastic bag Matt squinted to see the threads inside of it.

"How in the hell-?"

"Material analysis." Macy told him quickly. "All I needed was a suspect."

"I'll call Walcott." Matt said grabbing his phone.

* * *

(Four hours before it all came out)

His face paled. _Lu Simmons_?

He looked back at Nigel and tried to swallow against the tightness in his throat.

"Get Matt and Garrett back over here now!" He yelled rushing towards the doors. He grabbed his cell phone. "Santana? We need a warrant to search the supply rooms near Jordan's hospital room. We need security tapes too." He took a deep breath. "You have to keep Simmons out of the loop."

"_Woody_?"

"Don't ask questions. Please?" He asked her quietly. "Do this for me, Christina."

"_Sure_."

If she had said anything after that, he hadn't noticed. He'd already hung up and started dialing Renee Walcott.

* * *

(when it all came out)

Nigel turned the computer screen towards the crowd of people.

_Match confirmed_.

"I don't understand." Tallulah said softly her eyes knitting together as she stared at her picture on the screen.

"Neither do I." Woody said softly looking away from her.

"We searched you're apartment, Detective." Garret said softly holding up an evidence bag containing on cream colored sweater. "The fibers found on the body match it."

"This is-." She shook her head quickly. "You think I-? I didn't even know him." She looked from Walcott to Santana. "I didn't.."

"It's over Ms. Simmons. It's over." Renee said quietly, watching the innocent look slip off of her childlike face.

"We know you were Pollak's source. We have witnesses that saw the two of you together at O'Mally's Pub." Matt Seely told her he looked at Renee who nodded at him. Woody got to his feet.

"You want to?" Matt said turning to him. He slowly shook his head and walked out of the room while Matt began his speech.

"Tallulah Simmons, you are under arrest for the murder of John Douglas Pollak. You have the right to remain silent…" That's all he heard as the doors shut behind him.


	12. blaming

(five minutes before he got there.)

"Come on, Buttercup" Cal watched her push her bare feet off the porch and left them again. The swing swooped back down and she folded her legs. "You can't really think that?"

"I can and I do." She said softly.

"That's what all this has been about?" He smiled sarcastically in a way she could never imagine Woody doing. "You guys have been going through hell because you don't think you're good enough for him?"

"It's part of it." She watched the chains of the swing clink against each other. "The big part."

"Do you have any idea how much he loves you?" Cal shook his head at her when she looked up with questioning eyes. "Jordan he's a completely different person now then he was when he left for Boston. He's more confident than he's ever been. I've never seen anyone put him at ease like you do. I've never seen anyone handle him like you do. Shit, Jordan I've never seen anyone handle him at all." She smiled. "I've never seen him so.. equal with anyone in his life. One minute you're putting him in his place and the next he's saving your ass." He laughed. "Woody needs to be knocked down a few pegs every now and again, Jordan and I have a feeling your ass needs saving more times than not." She looked up at him and smiled. "I think you two are perfect for each other." She watched Cal's gaze fall on something behind her, a worried look coming to his face. She followed his gaze to a pair of blue eyes.

"You should listen to the man, Jordan."

* * *

(an hour before he got there.)

_Kawanee, huh, who knew_? She mused thinking someone should put that on a T-shirt or something.

She loved it here. It had been three days now but it felt like she'd always been here. She looked out over the pasture towards the pond. Trying to picture Woody playing here as a boy. Cal had told her the farm had been their grandfather's. It was Woody's now, but he hadn't been here in years, hadn't been in Wisconsin in years.

"_Seems he ran off and met some girl." Cal had said grinning at her. "He gave her our Mama's wedding ring so she must be somethin'"_

She looked down, twirling it around her finger, pressing gently against the perfectly etched edges.

"_Cal? What's HBH?" She'd asked him softly. _

"_Hannah Beth Hoyt." He'd smiled at her and opened a cabinet handing her a photo album after cracking it open. "Her."_

Jordan pulled the album back up on her lap now. How had she not even known his mother's name? How had she never seen a picture of her? She traced her finger over Hannah Beth Hoyt's wedding dress and her long light brown hair. Turning the pages until Woody began to appear in her arms, his eyes as blue as hers. She studied him, the crease of his smile, the curve of his chubby baby cheeks. She pressed her lips together, tears slipping off of her face.

_If I would have just let him talk to me when he got back from the site. If I hadn't told him to go.. Things could have been so different. _She moved her hand unconsciously to her abdomen. How could she not have known? How could she have missed it? She strained to remember the day she wound up in the hospital. It was blank, the only reminder was the glass bottles by her kitchen sink and their lost child.

_It's not your fault, you didn't know_. She couldn't count the number of times he'd said that. She knew he believed it but she didn't. Whether she knew or not, she had voluntarily ingested large amounts of alcohol. That was why her baby had no heart beat and that was why no matter how many times he told her it wasn't, she would always know it was her fault. She looked down at the photo album, moving her fingertips over his chubby fingers up his arm to the top of his head. It was her fault.

* * *

(The night before he got there)

"Jordan?" Cal walked up the narrow stair case to the second floor bedroom where she sat looking out the window. "Woody would kill me if he knew you hadn't eaten at all today." He sat down the tray of sandwiches and chips. She smiled at him and murmured thanks.

"Cal?" He looked up at her, taking one of the sandwiches in his hand. "What was Annie like?"

"Why do you want to know?" He asked warily.

"I just do."

"No way, Buttercup." He said shaking his head. "Hum-um. Not a good enough reason to break the sacred brother oath."

"I want to know what he left behind when he came to Boston. I want to know who he was before he was _my_ Woody." She told him.

"Annie she was.. is sweet." He shrugged. "She's nothing like you Jordan. She never challenged him or made him think. She never let him be her hero. They just… well… dated. They went to the movies and made out by the pond. Annie'd been around long enough to know where Woody was coming from, but knowing fact and _knowing feeling _are two different things. He was a good boyfriend to her and she was a good date. They'd have had a nice calm G rated life together Jordan." He shook his head. "And he would have never known how miserable he was." He handed her a sandwich. "Now eat."

She watched him watch her. She took an exaggerated bite, chewing dramatically. He smirked a little thinking she looked like Woody, always with the drama.

* * *

(The day before he got there)

She was starting to feel a little stir crazy and in turn she was driving Cal crazy.

"I'm gonna take a walk." She said finally, bounding into the living room.

"Are you sure?" He asked looking at her like she was telling him she was going to climb Everest.

"I'll be fine." She rolled her eyes. "It is my opinion as a doctor that I can go for a walk."

He made a face.

"Don't go further than the pond Jordan. And stay behind the house. I don't want people to see you." He looked at her nervously until she held out her arm, palm up, in a silent question. "Jordan, I promised him I'd keep you safe. He trusted me.. after everything.. he trusted me with what he loves most in this world.. you.. so please.. just stay in back of the house and-."

"Don't go further than the pond. I got ya. You really sound like your brother you know that?" He smiled at her.

"That's what I was going for." She muttered that she'd be careful before wandering down to the pond and looping back around to the barn. She pulled back the large red door and slipped inside. It was clear no one had been in there in a long time. She ran her hands up a large post, her fingers touching words that had been dug into it. She looked up. It was Woody and Annie in a heart. She was surprised that it made her smile, but it had. The idea of young Wisconsin Woody carving a heart in the barn post.

She had expected a call. She knew he hadn't because it wasn't safe, or that's what she hoped at least. Still she had expected him too anyway. She leaned back into the post, closing her eyes and wishing he was there. If nothing else she needed to be reminded that she hadn't actually killed Pollak. To tell her that what happened with the baby was not her fault. She needed him when she woke up at night seeing bodies of burned children and she needed him while she was awake and could only think of the child she'd lost.

She needed him.

* * *

(When he got there)

"You should Jordan, he knows what he's talking about." Woody watched the smile spread across her face as he walked up the porch steps. She looked at him like she wasn't sure he was real. He stood in front of the porch swing watching her adjust to the idea he was really there. Finally she stood up, thudding her tired body against him in one quick movement.

"Tell me it's over. Please tell me it's over." He felt her grip on his shirt and pulled her tighter to him supporting her weight.

"It's over." He told her his voice muffled by her hair. He vaguely saw Cal go into the house as Woody sat down on the swing and moved her onto his lap. She snuggled up to him letting soft sobs escape her mouth. "It's over."

He rocked the swing with his foot, holding her to his chest and stroking his fingers down a line of curls against her cheek. He felt her weight drop onto him as her body relaxed. When he was sure she was asleep he carried her inside and put her in bed before going back down stairs.

"Calvin?" He called into the dark room. He heard his brother stir, knowing damn well he wasn't asleep.

"Woods?" He stood up from the bed and walked towards the door.

Woody said nothing. He just pulled his little brother to him wrapping his arms tightly around him. After a few seconds he pulled away, giving him a long once over. Before nodding and turning back up the stairs to Jordan. "Thanks Knuckle Head."

She stirred when he slipped into bed with her, turning her face to him.

"I'll tell you, I promise." He told her softly. "But not tonight okay?" He heard his voice falter momentarily and she brought her hand up to his cheek. "I just want to.." He pulled her tight to him and pressed his forehead into her hair. She moved her thumb against his cheek in short slow strokes. The whole story could come out later. He wondered what that truth would bring.

He pulled her other hand from his chest, running his finger tip over his mothers wedding ring before kissing the knuckle of the finger it was on. He could see her wide eyes from the hall light that streamed in from the crack in the door. They looked heavy. The distant vacant look was gone, but he wasn't sure this look was any better. He tried to think of what to say to her, how to tell her that he'd done what he had to do. He hadn't wanted to leave her when she needed him the most. How was he supposed to explain leaving her with Cal? Shipping her off to Kawanee?

"Thank you." She whispered softly bringing him back to reality. He starred at her.

"For what?"

"For loving me."


	13. admitting

(Ten minutes before they got back)

"Excuse me?" Renee's head had turned sharply at the admission. She calmly leaned over the table towards the suspect. Tallulah Simmons shook her head defiantly.

"You heard me." She said coolly, turning her blonde head innocently between Detective Seely and the DA. "What? Didn't think I had it in me?"

Walcott looked at Matt Seely who turned his head slowly back towards the small woman seated in front of them.

"He was going to tell. I couldn't let him tell." She looked at Matt, speaking to him like he would understand her twisted logic.

He swallowed hard. They'd all worked with her, flirted with her. Hell, Hoyt had even slept with her. How had they not seen what lay behind that permanently puzzled expression? Matt tried to remember now if he'd ever seen her smile, if he'd ever heard her laugh. His mind came up blank.

"You're a complete sociopath." He whispered with out thinking. "Completely psychotic."

"Come on now Renee, you can't let him talk to-." The internal affairs attorney interjected.

"That's enough, Detective." Walcott shot him a look, Matt read her face, she agreed with his assessment.

"This was about Hoyt? All of this?" He asked shaking his head in confusion wondering why every female detective on the force seemed to want Woody Hoyt.

Simmons looked puzzled for a moment she looked at her attorney who nodded slowly. Only then did she shake her head.

"No. He was just part of it."

"Part of what?" Renee asked slipping into the chair she'd been standing behind.

"How to ruin her."

* * *

(Two hours before they got back.)

"She wants a plea." The woman from internal affairs walked slowly around the conference room. "She'll tell you everything you want to know."

"No way." Matt Seely shook his head quickly looking from Walcott to Macy. "No fucking way."

"Watch your language, Detective or I will have you thrown off this case!" The DA admonished in her most authoritative voice. Garret watched the red headed Detective clench his jaw. "What does she want?"

"Manslaughter and Assault."

Matt Seely shook his head back and forth adamantly. The Chief ME caught the look of betrayal in his eyes.

"There's more she's willing to admit to, but not unless you accept the plea."

"It's a little light don't you think, Renee?" Macy asked her.

"She never meant to kill Pollak, she panicked. She's not emotionally stable. That's very clear." The woman from internal affairs never took her eyes off of Walcott. Ignoring the two men in the room completely.

"She was stable enough to murder a man and then pin it on someone else." Macy smirked.

"Stop." Renee looked around the room. Garret knew she wanted to know what the pretty blonde detective had to say for herself. "We'll take it."

"Renee!" Garret moved towards her.

"We have more than enough evidence for trail!" Matt Seely was almost begging.

Renee's stony face silenced them both.

"We'll take it."

* * *

(Four hours before they got back)

"I have a friend at the Globe. They're writing a retraction." ADA Brandau told them wandering into the conference room. "With Dr. Macy's permission they'd like to do a Fluff piece on the ME's office."

Lily smiled at him, setting her hand on his arm as he sat down beside her.

"When are they coming back?" Santana whispered from the door frame..

"Nigel's going to pick them up at Logan at four." Bug told her. She looked down at the floor before nodding.

"Christina?" She looked at Lily. Lily had never liked her and she knew it.

"I just want to be gone before-. I don't want to upset her." She told her.

"She knows this isn't your fault." Seely said softly. "Besides, I was the one who arrested her."

"But I sat there in that room when Simmons questioned her." She closed her eyes. " I was working the case with her. I let her-."

"Chris, she was the Sr. Detective in charge of the case." Matt said quickly. Her eyes shot to him with the use of her nick name. He'd never used it in public before. He looked startled himself. She looked around the room. The only person who seemed to notice was Lily, and she was smiling at her.

"Sit." Lily said poking Jeffery and gesturing for him to move, she pointed to the chair between her and Seely. Santana smiled at her and sank down into it. Matt rubbed his hand up and down her back.

_Did we just go public? _She felt him lean down and kiss the top of her head. _Guess so.

* * *

(When they got back)_

Lily had hugged her when she and Woody walked through the door. She had distractedly whispered hello before turning towards the observation window.

"Ruin her?" Renee repeated.

"Jordan Cavanaugh." Jordan watched the way she tilted her head to the side.

"Why?" Seely was fuming, she wondered what she'd missed.

"Jordan maybe you shouldn't-." She held her hand up to Garret and moved closer to the window. "Woody, she shouldn't-." He sighed. "We've learned more since you've been gone."

"What?" Her husband asked Macy quietly. She tried to focus on what was going on in the interrogation room. She heard Macy sigh again.

"This isn't the place to-."

_"So you never intended to murder Pollak. You intended to murder Doctor Cavanaugh_." Renee asked as if she was trying to understand where Simmons was coming from.

"_I swear, I thought I'd given her enough Rohypnol, and GHB to take down a horse."_ Jordan took a sharp breath and stumbled backward away from the window. Woody grabbed her and steadied her against him.

"_I wouldn't have thought she'd have had a chance to call Hoyt. If figured he'd find her dead on the floor of her apartment the next day. The girls got some tolerance."_ She smirked shaking her head back and forth.

And that's when all hell broke loose.


	14. family

A/N

I was having some serious motive problems here, but after a long discusion with the Lu Simmons in my head, she finally told me why she did it.. I cant' believe it… wait trust me.. no one saw this coming… not one of the other characters in my head knew a thing. You should have seen Seely's face.

* * *

(When all hell broke loose)

Renee Walcott would say later that she should have seen it coming. It was all she could do to move out of the way when it did.

Something inside him snapped and later he would tell the woman he loved that he'd actually heard it when it did.

He had never in his life even thought about hitting a woman, but in that moment he'd planned to.

Instead he flipped the table over.

"You crazy bitch!" Simmons just sat there. "You're not even human are you!"

"Detective!" The DA jumped between him and the suspect. He later he would wonder if he would have pushed Renee aside if Woody hadn't come out of nowhere.

Pushing back against his chest until he was against the wall. He could hear Christina calling his name, begging him to calm down, begging him to stop. He met Woody's blue eyes and held them. Until the yelling started in the hall.

* * *

A uniform cop drug her to the door, and directly into the path of her victim.

"Why?" Was all that Jordan could push out of her trembling lips.

"**WHY**!" The other woman screamed as one of the cops pulled her tightly back towards him by her cuffed hands. "Why? You killed my husband! It's your fault he's dead! You and your whore of a mother!"

Jordan's body tensed, sending heat sweeping across her from head to toe.

"It's your fault he killed my daughter. You just couldn't leave it alone! You just couldn't leave it alone!"

She had backed up then her hand coming to her mouth, tears pooling in her confused eyes.

"Now you know. Now you know what it's like. To loose a part of yourself and not even have body to bury." She craned her head back as she was lead away, still screaming. "Why didn't you just leave it alone! It was you're fault, **YOURS**. He was your brother! **HE WAS YOUR BROTHER**!"

* * *

Jordan felt her husband's arms on her pushing her back into the observation room and closing the door. She felt her body shake against him in sudden realization.

"What.. What.." She tried to understand, tried to put it together. "How?"

"I don't know." He said softly holding her head to his shoulder. "I don't know." She gripped his arms, trying to ground herself. Trying to focus, to let her mind know this was actually happening. "We'll find out Jordan. I promise you we'll find out."


	15. tradition

(When the pieces started to fall into place)

"Woody?" He leaned his head back towards the door. Matt Seely looked at him just as intensely as he had in the interrogation room four hours ago. "How's she doing?" He nodded towards Jordan, curled up against him on the couch in her office. Woody just smiled sadly. Matt held up a file. "It's true."

Woody looked down at Jordan before stretching his arm out to Seely, who quickly fumbled forward putting his hand up. "Here. Here. Don't get up."

Woody opened the manila folder. Looking up at him was Lu Simmons' daughter. The same picture he'd seen in her office that day. He read the caption out loud.

"Six year old found dead in home. Father wanted for questioning." He looked at the photo next to the girls. It was James. "This is unbelievable."

_The body of six year old Emily Simmons was found Tuesday in her Northern Connecticut home. The corner reports the child was beaten to death. The child's mother Dr. Tallulah Simmons has been questioned and has been ruled out as a suspect. Her father James Simmons, is wanted for questioning. Neighbors describe the family as quiet but friendly. Dr. Simmons is psychologist with Harper Rehabilitation. James Simmons works for Miller Technologies. Emily had been a student at Westhaven Elementary School, she was in the first grade. _

_Emily_. Woody thought.

"She told me what I wanted to hear." Woody thought ironically. "She used me to get to Jordan."Matt looked down at the floor and then back up at him nodding before he walked away.

"And I let her."

* * *

She walked down the hallway of the station with a purpose. They would sentence her today, she'd be transferred. It was her last chance to know the truth once and for all. She gave Santana a smile as she slipped into the conference room. Matt stood up, gesturing for Jordan to sit before he stood protectively at the door. 

"Tallulah." She said calmly. "I'm.. I'm sorry about your daughter." Simmons just starred at her. "I want to know the story."

"Woody said you didn't." She turned her head slightly. Her eyebrows pinched together forming three vertical creases on the bridge of her nose.

"Woody feels guilty. He wants to protect me." She told her. " I want to know."

"He was my patient at first." Lu began slowly. "That's when I learned about you, your mother.. your father.. the man you thought was your father. Then we fell in love." She smiled in a way that made Jordan want to run for the door.

"He was.. troubled. He'd had a hard life. Emily was difficult, always demanding, curious, she didn't have a single fear. The clashed like you wouldn't believe. One night he says he's leaving. He's going to find his sister. He's going to tell her the truth, about her, about who her parents really were." She looked at Jordan shaking her head slightly. "He was never the same after that. After meeting you."

"He killed her then. After he met me. Then he came back for Malden." Jordan whispered as if it had just dawned on him. "My dad, he'd said-."

"He's not your father." Simmons said firmly. "You know that Jordan. Don't pretend you didn't." She couldn't answer. She couldn't think that, not even for a second.

"Our mother was ill. She had Schizophrenia." She looked at Lu Simmons she was a doctor, she had to understand. "She tried to hurt **him** when he was a baby." Jordan looked at her hands before she spoke again. "I.. I tried to talk him off of the roof. He.. wasn't thinking clearly. He wasn't.. well." She shook her head. "I tried to help him."

"Are you trying to clear your conscious Dr. Cavanaugh?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"No." Jordan decided looking down at her hands. "You used Woody to get to me?"

"I got lucky. I heard of an opening in the BPD for a therapist to help out after a string of cop shootings. Lucky me it was the right cop. It was really easy once I got through the tough guy mask. He was more than willing to tell me everything about you. He was so hard up for a little attention I think he would have done anything I asked."

"I think that's enough." His voice startled them both. Jordan looked towards the door where Woody stood with Matt. "Don't you Jordan?" He looked at her intently until she nodded. She stood up and cast one last look towards Lu Simmons.

* * *

"What were you thinking?" He asked her once they had made it back to his office. 

"I needed to know." She said simply.

"What Jordan, what good could possibly come of it?" He ran his hand back through his hair.

"I needed to know, Woody. My whole family-. My mother, my actual biological father, my niece, our baby… all lost for what? Pollak is dead just because he dated me! I needed to know." She shook her head.

"So what do you know now that you didn't know before?" He watched her contemplate that.

"Nothing. Nothing except that I'm the only one who made it out alive." She looked at him for a minute. He smiled at her, slowly reaching his arms out and bringing her in. "I'm…. Who the hell am I?"

"You know who you are Jordan." She looked up at him. "I know who you are. You're the fearless AME can solve a case better than most detectives. You're a good friend. You care about people, about doing what's right." He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it, feeling the ring she wore on her finger. "Oh yeah," He heald it up for her to see. "And you're the wife of a former Wisconsin farm boy."

She had to smile at that. He winked at her.

" I have a feeling that's going to be a job all on it's own." She teased. "You can take the boy from the farm...but you can't take the farm from the-."

He pressed his lips to his.

"Shh." He told her shaking his head and kissing her again.

* * *

A/N one more chapter.. loose ends.. if you see any let me know! So far I think I covered all the spoliers.. murder, marriage, jordan the fugitive.. the funeral will come next.. but I don't like JD so don't expect much... 

anything else before I wrap it up?


	16. closure

A/N.. I don't usually like epolouges.. but this really needed one. let me know how it was. This was a really experimental piece for me and I loved all of the reactions.. good and bad... i have to say I really like it.. but i'd love to know what you all think..

* * *

(When it was finally over) 

"Yeah, she really wants to do this. It's important to her."

She stood in the door way watching him iron his shirt, the phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder.

"I don't know. I tried, but come on Matt, Jordan wants what Jordan wants." She could hear the smile in his voice. How on earth had she wound up married to this man? This man who could put up with her and her whole store full of baggage and still smile about it, while desperately trying to get her what she wanted.

"It's in my desk,the locked side, in a file with her name on it. Yeah, just bring the whole thing." She walked up behind him laying one hand on his back and taking the iron with the other. He kissed her cheek, bringing his hand up to the phone. "Thanks Seely. I'll tell her. Bye."

"So when you told me you would try and track down some of his family what you really meant to say was 'I have a copy of his FBI file in my desk.'" She smirked at him. "Did you run a police check on all they guys I dated?"

"_All_?" He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Detective?"

"You'd known him two months and he had a key to your apartment Jordan. Yes, I ran a background check." He took his shirt from her and started putting it on.

"How'd you know he had a key?" She asked curiously. "What did he do wear it on a chain around his neck when he came to the precinct?" He smirked at her.

"Mass-pike copy cat, Jordan. He was in your apartment before you got there remember?" Woody shook his head at her, moving his fingers up the buttons of his shirt.

"You were barely talking to me then." She said softly, he stopped buttoning and watched her. "You still did a background check on him?" She started back to the buttons he'd missed.

"I was worried." He admitted as he snaked his arms around her waist.

"Worried or jealous?" She smiled clasping her hands behind his neck.

"Worried and jealous." He told her in a low voice. She lifted her chin up kissed him.

"When did you run the check?" She asked breathlessly her lips grazing against his.

"When he asked if I minded if he…" His he turned his head as his voice trailed off. "I don't want to talk about this Jordan."

"Woody?"

"You don't get to hold the patent on Pollak guilt, Jordan." He said softly turning his head in the other direction, avoiding her eyes. She held his face still for a second before tugging his head down until their foreheads were touching. "It's my fault too." He closed his eyes. "All of this."

She thought for a minute, running her hands across his back.

"We could do this." She said softly. "We could blame ourselves for what we did and didn't do or what we knew or didn't know.." She lifted her head up and looked into his eyes. "Or we could… not."

He smiled at her.

"I'd rather not." Her voice was honest and calm.

"Who are you? And what have you done with My Jordan?" He said smiling.

"Humm.. I evolved." She pulled his tie from the dresser, looped it around his neck and tied it.

"Are you ready?" He wished she wasn't going to do this. She nodded and they left for the sentencing.

* * *

She spoke to the court room, to Tallulah Simmons, to the judge. Her new psychologist said it would be cathartic. Maybe it was she wasn't sure. 

She talked about her miscarriage, clinically telling them what the drugs and alcohol did to her baby. She talked about what it felt like to think it had been her fault. She talked about how her friends, colleges, and the public had all thought she'd tried to kill herself. She told them about how Woody had been the one who had to give her CPR at the scene and how it affected him.

She talked for a moment about JD Pollak and how he deserved better. She talked about Her parents, James, Emily and the family she wished they could have been. She asked the judge to see Tallulah Simmons for what she was, a deeply troubled woman. She had asked for mercy, before slipping back down onto the bench beside Woody, holding his hand and crying silent tears.

The judge sent her to Harper Rehabilitation, her former workplace, where she'd be closer to her sister. She had chosen not to make a statement, just wordlessly accepted her fate.

* * *

Jordan had insisted on having a memorial service for Pollak. Woody and Seely had tracked down his family and made plans to have the body shipped back to Australia. She had some of his coworkers tell funny stories about him and Nigel read a letter of thanks from his family, for solving the murder. 

Now it was time for a memorial of a different kind.

"Ready?" She stood in front of the candles for a long time before nodding at him. He lit the long stick, moving it over each little round votive before he chose one. She watched his hand shake a little when he lit it, her eyes moving to his. He didn't look at her when he leaned in and kissed her temple.

She thought of Woody's baby pictures in Kawanee, this time not as something that was lost to **her,** but as something that could one day be for **them**. He was surprised to find her smiling when he finally did look down at her. He kissed her forehead, a slow grin slipping onto his face like he knew what she was thinking.

In his own head Woody Hoyt had been thinking of every horrible decision he had ever made, every loss he'd ever felt. Until he looked at her almost wistful smile. It was then that he knew it was all worth it… to be with her.


End file.
